I had the most amazing dream last night.
To my delight it was one of the first nights I did NOT dream of my ex husband and our reconciliation (don't ask me???) which I have been dreaming of alot lately and waking up in a cold sweat over. I have honestly evaluated if I truly want to get back together with my ex because of these dreams and the answer always comes up a resounding NO! (big shocker)
But last night...<sigh>...oh last night! I had the most wonderful dream of the most wonderful man that loved and cared for me as every girl dreams. I don't know who the man was and can only really describe him as a "Mr. Big" type (the later years when he finally gets his romantic shit together)
I can't remember the details of the dream, I usually lose them if I don't write them down right away (and I didn't). But, I remember a feeling of adoration and love, concern and compassion all coming from him and filling me up.
This man was strong and powerful but not overpowering or controlling. I felt like I was precious to him but not owned by him. I felt I could learn from him without feeling less than him.
It was like fate was trying to tell me that I deserve this man, maybe even trying to convince me that I deserve more than my ex. As I write this now it occurs to me that maybe I was dreaming about my ex because he is all I've ever really known or had and somewhere inside I feel he is all that I ever deserved.
All I know is I woke up this morning, I did my yoga, for me, because I like the way it makes me feel.
I made a healthy breakfast and packed a healthy lunch, for me, because I like the way it makes me feel.
I have calmly navigated the stresses at work and released my self imposed responsibilities that were never really mine, for me, because I like the way it makes me feel.
It's like somehow, I have given myself permission to recognize what I deserve and to do what's needed to get it.
Let's hope this is the beginning of me getting my ass off the couch and actually living my life.
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